This month has been a strange combination of events. Throughout various conversations, certain topics tended to reappear. I’m not a religious or spiritual person, but if I see patterns in seemingly unrelated events, that may just mean I’m tuned to those inputs. I realize this sounds very vague. The rest of this post will not be much different, as this is complicated stuff that I do not comprehend myself yet. But I hope that in writing this down, I may be able to make some sense of it. If you’re more interested in seeing what fun things I’m up to, and I do not blame you, I will probably post a second part this weekend. And that one may even have pictures.

For the rest, read on for an attempt at self-finding.

My initial plans for this month’s entry were very different. I didn’t have much planned that would warrant an entry, so I was planning on running a small project at the end of the month (which will definitely return sooner or later).

On October 19th though, I was asked to go to Walibi Fright Night.

Now, as this post’s title may suggest, I’m not a big fan of Halloween. As far as I can remember, I have never really done anything special during this holiday. The reason is simply because I’m scared.

It’s not really the spooky things that scare me though. This used to be the case when I was younger. For instance, I have never watched Mars Attack beyond the first contact scene. I only now realize that I still avoid these kind of things, even though it’s not all that scary. Despite not fearing them as much, I also do not enjoy them.

What does still frighten me however is being startled. I have found that I am very easily startled, which is often kind of embarrassing. Last week, while getting my bike from the shed in the morning, my neighbor put his bag down to get his own bike. But, as I hadn’t heard him coming, I got quite the early-morning scare. The problem with a fear of being startled is that it’s not an unrealistic fear and that being scared actually helps your awareness and thus reduces the chance of being surprised by anything.

Now that I’m writing this, this does point to an obvious solution. Find out why I am easily startled and do something about that. I may have some idea, but I’m going to take some more time to figure this out.

Well, this post did not go at all how I envisioned it, but it did help me reach a potentially useful conclusion, so I’ll leave it at that. As mentioned, there will probably be an update after I have been to Walibi.